My Normandie

The shore looked calm as I gazed along the sandy horizon from my front seat in the amphibious assault landing craft slowly roaming towards my inevitable fate.
I wasn’t nervous at all, in fact, I was utterly prepared for what I expected from the forty minutes to come. Our platoon had been trained for over two months in order to be able to accomplish the mission - given to us just two days ago.

As we got closer to the shore my mind focused on the task. It was broken by the discussion about earlier comrades fought and fall but I tried not to get carried away.
Instead I moved my hand to the magazine attached to my M1 Carbine .3 Calibre just to see if it was properly loaded. I also disobeyed the uniforms restrictions and unbuttoned the first button of my brown jacket.
“Feeling comfortable makes me aim better” I said to myself...

Our platoon chief, Cpt. Cohen, approached us and gave us the order with crucial effectiveness. I was eager to begin and recklessly jumped off the craft. The cold water filled my boots but I had no regrets as I began to sprint up the first part of the shore.

All quiet. I could hear my breath and my heartbeat while I positioned myself behind a wall of sandbags. From here I had a good view of the eastern enemy bunker.
The first bullet whined over my head and I pushed myself to the sandy ground in order to get as hidden as possible. I didn’t want to reveal a weak spot.
I thought of why I became a soldier in the first place and as the second bullet came I released my gun from the strap. The bullets hit the sand around me and I aimed for the bunker and pressed the trigger. Then it happened.

Shellshock

I had only read about it before but never seen it with my own eyes. Today I was the victim.
I barely saw the solid green sphere looking metal shard – that rolled up against the sandbags in front of me – before it went off with a ear-splitting blast leaving nothing but a high pitched frequency in my ears. The blast wave blew sand in my eyes and the heat burnt the hair sticking out under my helmet.
Completely unable to move, I found myself petrified and paralysed. All I heard was the beep and my heart beating loud in my chest.

I was conscious and alive but left vulnerable and intimidated on the ground in the line of enemy fire. It took me all of my remaining strength and bravery to get back on track. To my big surprise the enemy stopped their machine gun fire and aimed to the west.
“They probably think I’m dead...”

As the crossfire ended I took the opportunity to get on my feet again, I was badly injured but the adrenaline filling my vessels made me run towards the east border. An entrance in the bunker suddenly approached in my periphery and I took a run for it. The wooden door smashed open when my left shoulder hit it and I found myself staring the enemy in the eyes.

The outcome was mine to decide and I raised my gun and pulled the trigger the millisecond later. The remaining bullets in my magazine penetrated flesh before they instantly stopped in the thick concrete bunker wall. It was a challenge but I moved on eradicating all threats until the least foe was on his knees.
A shallow bleeding from my arm resulted in a pulsating pain but I was alive and had accomplished my task.

I fled the bunker with a map and papers of the enemy orders and headed back to the field. In a distance I saw my comrades regrouping, treating the injuries from the crossfire.
I shared the news of my individual victory and showed them the map and the orders. Pvt. Onsum, Pvt. Malmberg and Pvt. Balasingam started to discuss the results but were cut off by Cpt. Cohen that showed up from the trench behind us. He called for me so I went up to him and gave him the papers. He looked at them and ordered me to follow him into the trench.
Down there he began to question me about the mission. My answers seemed to be satisfying and I felt relief. We headed back to the platoon and we were all given his personal recommendation for further missions...


In a parallel universe:


I felt a certain calm as I gazed along the tree line in the horizon from my blue subway train seat speeding towards my inevitable fate.
I wasn’t nervous at all, in fact, I was utterly prepared for what I expected from the forty minutes to come. I have been practising for over two months in order to pass today’s exam – given to us just two days ago.
When I entered the school my mind was focused on the task. It was broken by the discussion about earlier classmate’s exams, failures and wins. I tried not to get carried away.
Instead I quickly read through some of the material just to make sure it was as sharp as I wanted it to be. I loosened my tie and unbuttoned my white shirt since I believe I’ll make a better result if I feel comfortable.
“Feeling comfortable makes me think clearer” I said to myself...

Our teacher, Dr. Cohen, met me in the lunch room and gave me instructions. I was eager to begin and recklessly asked for an earlier start of my exam. A cold chill went through my spine but I had no regrets as I began to walk to the examination office for my biology and anatomy exam.
All quiet. I closed the door and took a seat in front of my examiner.
The first question came: “What kind of doctor do you want to become..?”.
I leaned back in my chair and thought of why I’d like to be a physician in the first place. I didn’t want to reveal any weak spots and answered generally.
The second question went good but then it happened.

Brain block

I had never experienced it before, only heard people talk about it. Today I was the victim.
I didn’t see it coming – when the examiner said: “Okey, so tell me about the Female Reproductive System...” – I totally froze. That was the sole subject I didn’t know by heart. I went numb and couldn’t even name the anatomy. All I heard was my heart beating loud in my chest.
I was aware of my mistake and failure and felt very intimidated sitting there unable to answer the questions she asked me. To my surprise she stopped and turned it all around.
“She knows I lost it and this is it...”

When the questions ended I got some time to breathe and get back on track. I felt the adrenaline in my vessels and I managed to calm myself enough. “Okey, so tell me about the Gastro-Intestinal System instead...” she said. All of a sudden I had an entrance back in the game and I took a shot for it. I smashed my nervousness into pieces and looked the examiner in the eyes.
The outcome was mine to decide and I began to draw the anatomy, nailing it and the physiology. She smiled and could see that I was relieved of the tension. She gave me quite a challenge but I managed to answer correctly and after a while she gave in and gave me her evaluation. The failure beginning was still nagging in my head but I thought I’d made it up pretty good in the end.

I walked out of the office with my G.I drawing and the grades of the exam. I headed back to the lunch room and I saw the curious faces of my classmates. They were still discussion their exams in order to make some sense out of it.
I shared my experiences and evaluation with Jeanine, Fredrik and Arani. They instantly began to take it into consideration but were cut off by Dr. Cohen that showed up from his office. I showed him the papers and he told me to get into his office for the second exam.
The questions went good and he was very satisfied. I headed back to my classmates and we admired our personal recommendations for further studies...

Every day is a vicious battle...